Being a newlywed, one of the most common questions Kirby and I get asked is, “So…how’s married life?” You would think by now that I would have some really profound answer conveying literally how amazing married life has been, but normally caught off guard, my typical response is simply, “Great!”. Every time when leaving these conversations, I mentally think of all of the wonderful things I could’ve said but didn’t. SO, today I give you all the tell-all about how married life has been!
After a beautiful wedding and an adventurous, fun honeymoon, being married was all about finding our new normal together. This was when I felt a bit of anxiety…realizing, wow…that happened and this is for real…this is real life now. I’ve always been very independent so marriage was a big change for me! Also, what people never seem to tell you about is all of the things that us ladies have to do after the wedding. Things such as: purchasing the marriage license, getting your offical name change with the IRS, getting a new drivers license, transfer and close out your bank accounts, apply for an updated passport, and move in! All of this was done in a matter of two weeks!! I’m saying none of this to scare any of you blushing fiancés out there – but I’m just telling this because I literally was unprepared for all of this haha. So…we found our new normal together.
Being married to Kirby has been one of the greatest parts of my life so far. I am constantly thanking God that I GET to be married to such a sweet man. Ok, I’m going to brag for a moment. Kirby treats me better than I deserve every day. He would drop anything for me, he notices details, he helps me with chores, he prays with me and for me, he never raises his voice at me, and he challenges me and confronts me with love if I’m having a hard time with something. He respects me all of the time and loves me in my best and worst days. There have been a lot of things we’ve had to learn, but it’s part of growing…it’s part of life. We absolutely could not experience a love like this without Jesus Christ being the cornerstone of our lives and marriage. Here are some areas the Lord has been helping us grow in:
- How each other reacts/responds in certain situations & how to best approach them in these times (this helps prevent offense)
- Finding the best way for us to spend time together with God (reading & praying)
- How to help each other deal with core fears
- Finances (budgeting & giving)
- Communication (I’ve learned that when asked “what’s wrong?” and I respond “nothing” that it solves nothing. If something is bothering me or Kirby, we address it immediately. We don’t want to plant a bad seed of bitterness or anger in our marriage.)
- Roles in the home (soo thankful that Kirby volunteers to clean the litter box…this job stinks!)
- Balancing family time
- Handling anxiety about the future (totally me!)
- James 1:19 – slow to speak, quick to listen & and slow to get angry
Marriage is one of the greatest adventures in life. Being very open and vulnerable with you, I committed myself to a life of purity saving myself for my husband. I was made fun of in college for it and that really hurt. It made me feel immature around other girls because I had nothing to contribute to their conversations. Because of my life of purity though, I can now say without a doubt that the reason to pursue a life of purity is not because “God says so” but because God loves us so much! In marriage, two become one flesh – if you initiate this with someone outside of marriage you are setting yourself up for emotional hurt, fear, disappointment, and rejection amongst other things. Not only that, but I feel so spiritually connected with Kirby – we can read each other by a simple expression. This is a beautiful gift and that’s something God wants us to experience. He doesn’t want this to make us miserable and oppressed under some rule, but to protect us and allow us to experience a love that’s forever, trusting, and committed. Kirby and I are LIFE PARTNERS. We have spent almost all of our time together, and love every moment!!
“Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.” – Ephesians 5:22
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” – Ephesians 5:25
God tells wives to submit (respect) their husbands and husbands to love their wives. He says this because typically, wives tend to give love and men tend to give respect because that’s why they desire in return. It takes work sometimes to make sure you are giving what the other needs. For example, I ask Kirby’s permission when it comes to spending money (not because he requires it…in fact he says I don’t have to ask, but it’s a sign of respect from me). I honor him in public constantly building him up, encouraging him, and most importantly, I stand behind him and his decisions.
As I’ve said before, love is a choice. We choose to love each other, we don’t just love each other when we feel like it; otherwise, when I get flustered or upset Kirby could very well pull away from me. That’s the grace of God – that we can choose to love no matter what. When we disagree, we choose to respect each other and love despite whatever we need to work out. We work to not get offended.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall one will lift up his companion…” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
It’s also been so huge that Kirby and I are equally yoked, and not just in the sense that we are both Christians, but also in the sense of our core beliefs. Words cannot describe how powerful it has been for us to be able to get into agreement on things. Instantly we can address things from a headache to anxiety. We trust and confide in each other, pray together, speak life, and believe for things together. This is amazinggg! We are able to put God’s word into action – and even better, to see results! I get to live with my prayer partner – my very best friend.
“The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.” – Psalm 34:10
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” – Proverbs 18:22
“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him?” – Matthew 7:11
So, how is married life? It’s GREAT!! Marriage is a beautiful adventure. We have so much fun together and laugh a lot! What I shared here is only the tip of the iceberg. I’m extremely humbled and grateful to be Kirby’s wife. If you are reading this and you aren’t married, I encourage you to start praying for your future husband. Speak a blessing over his life and that God will guide him and provide for him. I began praying for my future husband in October of 2010. It was in this same month that Kirby gave his life to Christ. We met three years later in a way that was strategically constructed by God.
Even when we can’t see, we need to be believing that God is working on our behalf. Marriage is about sacrifice, putting someone’s needs above your own, compromise, love, and GROWTH (lots of growth) – and this is only the beginning! We believe that if we build a sure foundation with God together, that we can build a marriage, life, and love that gets sweeter and stronger with every passing year. Married life is one of the greatest gifts God has every given me.